Bean has a fascination with boobs. She is more into boobs than the average teenage boy. It's a bit disturbing.
I was listening to her play in her room before bed tonight. This was the conversation had between a Jasmine figure, a Barbie doll, and a rubber alligator.
Jasmine: I have boobies, just like my mommy.
Barbie: I have boobies too!
Rubber alligator to Barbie: Your boobies are amazing!!!!! Can I touch them?
Barbie: No, they my boobies. Only I touch them. Get your own boobies.
Alligator: Ok. I get my own boobies when I eat you. Num... Num... Num...
Well, at least she is developing boundaries.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
On Alligators
Bean: Mom, where do alligators come from???
Me: Eggs laid by mommy alligators.
Bean: Eggs?!?!?!
Me: Yes, like you know how Maggie (our cockatiel) lays eggs? Like that.
Bean: Maggie has baby alligators?!?!?! That's awesome!!!!! Can I keep them?
Me: Bean, Maggie isn't an alligator.
Bean: Well, she should be!
Me: Eggs laid by mommy alligators.
Bean: Eggs?!?!?!
Me: Yes, like you know how Maggie (our cockatiel) lays eggs? Like that.
Bean: Maggie has baby alligators?!?!?! That's awesome!!!!! Can I keep them?
Me: Bean, Maggie isn't an alligator.
Bean: Well, she should be!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Views on Salad
Bean: Look mom! Pasquale is happy!
Pasquale is Bean's bearded dragon. We got him as a compromise at a reptile show back in September. What Bean REALLY wanted was a 20' boa constrictor. She laid on the floor of the convention hall and sobbed when she learned that we would not be bringing one home. We eventually got her to settle for Pasquale. He eats crickets and veggies. I can handle that.
Me: Pasquale is happy? Why do you think he's happy?
Bean: He's happy cause Daddy gives him salad. He bought it for him.
Me: We have more salad. Should mommy put some in your lunch?
Bean: Mom!!!!!! You KNOW I'm not a lizard!!!! You crazy mom!
I guess I need to push the veggies a bit more. :-/
Pasquale is Bean's bearded dragon. We got him as a compromise at a reptile show back in September. What Bean REALLY wanted was a 20' boa constrictor. She laid on the floor of the convention hall and sobbed when she learned that we would not be bringing one home. We eventually got her to settle for Pasquale. He eats crickets and veggies. I can handle that.
Me: Pasquale is happy? Why do you think he's happy?
Bean: He's happy cause Daddy gives him salad. He bought it for him.
Me: We have more salad. Should mommy put some in your lunch?
Bean: Mom!!!!!! You KNOW I'm not a lizard!!!! You crazy mom!
I guess I need to push the veggies a bit more. :-/
Saturday, March 10, 2012
I sign it myself!!!
We are at Monster Mania in Cherry Hill NJ. We were waiting in line to get the autograph of Chandler (who plays Carl in the Walking Dead). Bean sees the different actors signing autographs and the independence streak of a 3 year old kicked in.
Bean: Don't want him to do it! I'll sign it myself.
Me: That's not the way autographs work. You pay to have the person sign it.
Bean: No! I sign it myself!!!!
We hear a chuckle from off to the side. Tom Towles is looking at Bean, smiling and shaking his head. For those who don't know horror movies, Tom starred in The Devil's Rejects, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer, and the 2007 version of Halloween.
Tom: You want to sign it yourself?
Bean: Yes! I sign it myself!
Tom: Well, that's something I'd like to see. Come over here and sign my autograph for me.
Bean bounced and jumped over to Tom's table and crawled behind it. Tom got out an 8x10 glossy and a marker... and Bean went to work drawing a series of "i"s across the forehead.
Tom: Hey, that's pretty good! It looks like I've got blood dripping from my head. (laughing)
He handed Bean the pic and she proudly put it in Daddy's backpack.
Bean: See! I signed it myself!
Bean: Don't want him to do it! I'll sign it myself.
Me: That's not the way autographs work. You pay to have the person sign it.
Bean: No! I sign it myself!!!!
We hear a chuckle from off to the side. Tom Towles is looking at Bean, smiling and shaking his head. For those who don't know horror movies, Tom starred in The Devil's Rejects, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer, and the 2007 version of Halloween.
Tom: You want to sign it yourself?
Bean: Yes! I sign it myself!
Tom: Well, that's something I'd like to see. Come over here and sign my autograph for me.
Bean bounced and jumped over to Tom's table and crawled behind it. Tom got out an 8x10 glossy and a marker... and Bean went to work drawing a series of "i"s across the forehead.
Tom: Hey, that's pretty good! It looks like I've got blood dripping from my head. (laughing)
He handed Bean the pic and she proudly put it in Daddy's backpack.
Bean: See! I signed it myself!
Friday, March 9, 2012
What if Dad is not a zombie?!?!
This weekend is Monster Mania, a horror movie convention. Bean has had an informal countdown going for months now. Judge if you must. Yes, I am taking a 3 year old to a horror convention. It is definitely not for me. I hate conventions... and I don't like horror movies any more than any other type of movie. But it is important to Bean, so we are going. Lots of big name actors and make up artists will be there, including the cast from The Walking Dead. Bean will be in hog heaven.
This morning Bean wakes up, chattering away about Monster Mania.
Bean: I am going to wear my purple fairy dress.
Me: That's fine. I'll pack it.
Bean: And zombie make up... and wings.
Me: Uh huh.
Bean: Are you wearing zombie make up, mom???
Me: Maybe. We'll see.
Bean: What about Dad? Is he gonna be a zombie?
Me: I don't think so, Bean. Dad doesn't really like zombie make up.
Bean: But he has to!!!!
Me: Why? He can be something else.
Bean: If he's not a zombie, I'll have to eat him. He's too big! I don't wanna eat him, Mom!!!! Make him be a zombie!
We will see if Dad gets onboard with the zombie thing
This morning Bean wakes up, chattering away about Monster Mania.
Bean: I am going to wear my purple fairy dress.
Me: That's fine. I'll pack it.
Bean: And zombie make up... and wings.
Me: Uh huh.
Bean: Are you wearing zombie make up, mom???
Me: Maybe. We'll see.
Bean: What about Dad? Is he gonna be a zombie?
Me: I don't think so, Bean. Dad doesn't really like zombie make up.
Bean: But he has to!!!!
Me: Why? He can be something else.
Bean: If he's not a zombie, I'll have to eat him. He's too big! I don't wanna eat him, Mom!!!! Make him be a zombie!
We will see if Dad gets onboard with the zombie thing
Thursday, March 8, 2012
There can be only one!
Yesterday morning, I was in a hurry, so I dumped some Lucky Charms into a Baggie and loaded the girls into the car. Bean quickly began rifling through the cereal, searching for marshmallows.
"Oooo.... a star! Oooo... A clover!". This went on for a few minutes until...
"Mom! A rainbow one! There's a rainbow one!".
You would have thought the kid found real gold at the end of that rainbow! She was so excited, until....
"Another rainbow one????"
Bean eyed up the marshmallows, one in each tiny hand, squinting at them, trying to determine if they were indeed the same.
Next I heard a deep, growling voice from the back seat, "There can be only one!".
Then the sword fighting noises began. They continued for a few minutes until only one poor rainbow was left standing. Bean licked it and proudly stuck it to the back of the passenger seat. There it remained until all of the other marshmallows were gone. I suppose it was waiting to see if it needed to go to battle once more. Luckily, the rainbows ones aren't as common as the other marshmallows.
Authors note: If you didn't really understand this blog, go onto Netflix and rent yourself "Highlander". You have been deprived. Bean has seen about 20 minutes of it when it was on TV and it apparently has made a huge impact.
"Oooo.... a star! Oooo... A clover!". This went on for a few minutes until...
"Mom! A rainbow one! There's a rainbow one!".
You would have thought the kid found real gold at the end of that rainbow! She was so excited, until....
"Another rainbow one????"
Bean eyed up the marshmallows, one in each tiny hand, squinting at them, trying to determine if they were indeed the same.
Next I heard a deep, growling voice from the back seat, "There can be only one!".
Then the sword fighting noises began. They continued for a few minutes until only one poor rainbow was left standing. Bean licked it and proudly stuck it to the back of the passenger seat. There it remained until all of the other marshmallows were gone. I suppose it was waiting to see if it needed to go to battle once more. Luckily, the rainbows ones aren't as common as the other marshmallows.
Authors note: If you didn't really understand this blog, go onto Netflix and rent yourself "Highlander". You have been deprived. Bean has seen about 20 minutes of it when it was on TV and it apparently has made a huge impact.
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