Santa knows

Mom: You'd better be good or Santa will know.

(Bean starts running around the restaurant.)

Mom: Bean, is what you are doing good or bad?

Bean: Bad, but Santa doesn't mind. He wants me to get exercise.

Older Brothers

Bean: This is my pet spider. (Pointing to the spider above her window). Him's name is Peter Parker. At night, he turns into Spider-Man and swings around my room on webs. Eric can't see him or he'd go "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" and cry like a girl. Peter doesn't want to make Eric cry. I do though. It's fun to make Eric cry. Maybe I give him Peter's friend for Christmas.

The Power of Santa

Tonight, we are going to a tree lighting. Santa will be riding in on a fire truck and putting the star on the tree. Bean is REALLY excited about this. She keeps asking when we are going. I told her after lunch and a nap.

Bean: I don't want to take a nap!

Me: You have to. We will be out late and you get cranky.

Bean: I'm going to nap now! I need extra sleep. I don't want Santa to see me cranky!!!!!

It's only 10:30 AM, but I'm not arguing!

They are in cahoots!!!

Last night, I heard noise coming from the girls' room nearly 2 hours after they were supposed to be in bed. I look in and see Millie up in her crib playing with Bean's stuffed pony. Bean is hanging off the side of her bunk bed, shining a flashlight into Millie's crib so she could see to play. My heart melted. I didn't know whether to scold them or kiss them, so I did both. They are in cahoots already. Lol.

Making sure her baby sister is prepared.

Bean (3) has been enthralled with the fact that her 9 month old baby sister has started talking. Today in the car, she decided to work on Millie's vocabulary.

Bean: Say "momma", Millie! Come on, say it!

Millie: Mom mom mom

Bean: Ducky, Millie! Say "Ducky"!

Millie: Daddy!

Bean: No, duck. Duck!

Millie: Duck... Dadda duck.

Bean: Say "cat".

Millie: Aaaaack!

Bean: Ok, Ok! Say "zombie apacowips". Come on, say it! Zombie a-pa-co-wips!

Me: Bean, do you even know what a zombie apocalypse is????

Bean: Yes! It's when the whole world gets filled up with zombies and they go "uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh!". Now make her say it! Say it Millie! Zombie apocalypse!

Bean's "Spirited Away" Rewrite

Bean was reenacting her own version of the scene where Hoku has been injured.

Hoku: I'm bleeding. I think I dying.

Zen: I save you! I love you! You saved now.

Hoku: I love you too. But silly girl, I still bleeding to death.


So much for love curing everything.

Apparently I was misunderstood

Mom: Bean, you are driving me nuts!!!!

Bean: I am not. I like to draw zombies and rainbows, not nuts!

Zombie Bird

Bean: Momma, where's Oscar?

Me: He died a while ago, Honey.

Bean: We put him in the ground?

Me: Yep.

Bean: Can we dig him up???

Me: Errrrr.... No.

Bean: But we have to!

Me: No, we don't.

Bean: Yes, we do! Him might be a zombie now. If him is, I want him!

Me: I'm sure he isn't a zombie.

Bean: You looked?

Me: Uh... Yes! I checked.

Bean: Eewww! Mom! Why you do that?! Yuck!

On Death and Dying

"Swim good little fishie! Or Daddy will make you swim in the potty!"

Zebras are boring

The other kids were drawing zebras. Bean drew a zombie with boobs, standing next to a cup of water.

I asked her why. She told me, "Zebras are boring and water is important to drink in the summer."

I see many, many conversations with the school psychologist in our future.

Views on polygamy

Bean: I like boys, Momma! I REALLY love boys! Some day, I'm going to marry a whole bunch of them!

A Bear By Any Other Name...

Bean: Can I have my Kung-Fu Panda blanket?

Me: You don't have a Kung-Fu Panda blanket.

Bean: Yes, I do! There!

Me: That's Winnie the Pooh.

Bean: No, it's not. Winnie the Pooh is for babies. I renamed him "Kung-Fu Panda"!

How the Sith Army Is Created

Bean was playing with a Darth Maul Pez dispenser in the car this morning.

Darth Maul:

I poop babies!

(Bean makes a fart noise and pops out a Pez)

See! There's one!

(She makes another fart noise and then pops out another Pez)

There's another one! If you don't watch, I'll poop out a whole Sith army!

A Morning Chat

Our morning conversation on the way to daycare...

Bean: Oh! Hi Mom! Whatchoo doing here?

Me: What do you mean 'What am I doing here'? I'm driving you to school.

Bean: Oh! Ok!

Me: Hey Bean! Whatchoo doing here?

Bean: There is no Bean. There is only Zul.


I guess she saw Ghostbusters.

She's Three

Me: Bean! Go to bed and stop whining!!!!

Bean: Ok mom. I'm quiet, mom. See! I quiet. I quiet, mom. I quiet now. Hey mom! I quiet! See! I good. I quiet.
(repeat loop for 20 minutes)

Me: Bean! Quit talking! Talking is not "quiet" or "sleeping"! Go to bed.

Bean: I quiet though!

Me: Show me by "doing". No more talking!

Bean: How you know that I quiet unless I tell you??? You silly mom!! I'm quiet, mom. See! I quiet. I quiet, mom. I quiet now. Hey mom! I quiet! See! I good. I quiet.

Me: Sigh!!!!!

New Lyrics

Bean was singing "The Wheels on the Bus" this morning. At first, I was singing along... until I noticed that I didn't know her version.

It went...

The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round all through the town.

(Ok. Seems normal so far!)

The people on the bus go up and down. Up and down. Up and down. The people on the bus go up and down all through the town.

(Ok. Still normal. Then...)

The zombies on the bus go BRAINS! BRAINS! BRAINS! The zombies on the bus go BRAINS all through the town.

(Yeah, it gets worse.)

The zombies in the bus eat the people on the bus. Eat the people on the bus. Eat the people on the bus. The zombies on the bus eat the people on the bus all through the town.

(Ummm. It's not quite how we sang it when I was a kid!)

Her Taste in Men

The cable repair guy came to fix our phone line on Thursday. He was about 25 years old, and Dominican. Bean was absolutely enthralled with him.

Bean: What his name???

Me: I think he said it was "Andy".

Bean: He my friend. I'm going to go find him.

Me: No, Bean let him alone. He's working.

Bean: But Mom!!!! He's beautiful!!!! Can him come live in my room.

She was sad to find out that he couldn't come live with us. When he left, she cried for a good 5 minutes. I guess she has a thing for handsome, dark skinned men.

Affiliation

Bean: You are too little, Millie. Some day, when you are bigger, we will buy you onion rings and coke slushees; and you will become one of us!

Boys Are Babies

We were at an amusement park. Waiting in line in front of us was a group of boys, ages 10-13.

Bean looks at them, shakes her head, and says, "All boys are babies. They cry 'Wah! Wah!'. Like that!"

We get on the ride and Bean immediately runs to the last seat. The boys end up in the seat in front of us.

Soon the ride is in full swing and our stomachs are in our throats. The boys start shrieking and screaming, "Oh my god! We are going to die!"

Bean looks over at me, points at them, and says, "See! Babies. I told you!"

Samta Claus

Me: Mommy has to clean because people are coming over.

Bean: Who coming over?

Me: Well, Tony, Ronnie, Eric, Chris, and Sam.

Bean: Sam???

Me: Yep. Sam. Remember her? She was the pretty girl with the brown hair at our football party.

Bean: I remember. I will call her Samta Claus.

Me: No, not Santa Claus. Sam.

Bean: I know. I just calls her that. Samta Claus.

Me: I don't think she wants you to call her "Samta Claus". How about you just call her "Sam"???

Bean: Samta Claus is better name than Poopy butt.

Me: Yes, it is. But we just call her "Sam"?

Bean: Ok, but that boring.

The Important Things

Bean to Millie:

When you get bigger, I will teach you about dragons, baseball, fighting swords, and Ironman. 'Specially Ironman. He important. And trees. Trees are important too. Mom, do you know that tree's name? I'll call him Ironman... Or Captain America. What you think, Mom? He's real strong.

Even Super Villains Need Love Too

Dr Doom is dating. Bean tells me that they are going to the toy store so he can buy her kites. She says that the girl needs kites if she is going to marry Dr Doom. I'm not sure what kites have to do with it, but Bean says they are important in a marriage. I guess it is good that we own 3 kites.

A Proper Greeting Is Important

As she got out of the car at daycare this morning, Bean raised her arms, looked to the heavens, and yelled, "My brothers... My sisters... My friends... I welcome you all". With that, she ran into the building.

A proper greeting is important when setting the stage for the day.

Future Creative Endeavors

Look Mom! It's an alligator! (pointing to the drawing she made in the condensation on the car window)

He's eating a girl. She's saying, "Aaaagggghhhhh! Aaaaagggghhhh!"

It's called "Song of the Alligator."

Can we make a movie of it? Huh, Mom???

It will be big, like Thriller.

Views on Marriage

Bean: This is my Green Lantern ring. It is made of diamonds. Him give it to me when him ask me to be wiff him.

Me: Oh, he asked you to marry him?

Bean: MOM!!!! Don't say that! That very bad word!!!!!

Me: Marry???

Bean: MOM!!!!!

Priorities

Bean: What's that noise???

Me: That is church bells.

Bean: When I grow up and get a car, it will have church bells instead of a horn.

Me: Church bells are big. They won't fit in a car.

Bean: Yes, them will. I will have a really big car... and a cow. Him will come with me so I will always have milk... Milk and Devil Dogs.

The Babe With the Power

You remind me of the babe.

What babe?

The babe with the power.

What power?

The power of voodoo.

Who do?

You do.

Do what?

Remind me of the babe.


We practiced it all the way to preschool this morning. It's her latest obsession. Flynn from Tangled has become her Jareth doll. She says he's not as cute as the real Jareth, but he will have to do. She says that she's asking the Easter Bunny for the real Jareth and that he can sleep under her bed, as long as he promises not to turn into an owl and wake her up. I think she is going to be disappointed when all she gets for Easter is a basket of candy and a bike.

Zombie Easter bunny

A friend just posted this picture of a zombie bunny for Bean on my FB page. I debated showing her, as it is kind of a creepy pic; but of course, my curiosity got the better of me.

Me: Bean, I have a picture of a zombie bunny. Do you want to see it?

Bean: Yes. I want to see it!

Me: Are you sure??? It's pretty creepy. Even Mommy thinks it is a bit scary.

Bean: Show me, Mom! Please!!!!

(I showed her the picture. She stared at it with her mouth open, tears welling up in her eyes. "Great," I thought. "I've terrorized my 3 year old". Then she spoke...)

Bean: He's beautiful!!!! I want him, Mom! Please!!!! Can I have him? I really want him! He's so cute! Can I meet him? Huh? PLEASE!!!!

Me: He's not real, Bean. He's just a picture.

Bean: Yes, him is! He real! I want to meet him.

Now she is in bed, crying about a zombie bunny that I can't produce. Sigh. Easter is going to be interesting if she doesn't forget about the zombie Easter bunny.

Boobies!

Bean has a fascination with boobs. She is more into boobs than the average teenage boy. It's a bit disturbing.

I was listening to her play in her room before bed tonight. This was the conversation had between a Jasmine figure, a Barbie doll, and a rubber alligator.

Jasmine: I have boobies, just like my mommy.

Barbie: I have boobies too!

Rubber alligator to Barbie: Your boobies are amazing!!!!! Can I touch them?

Barbie: No, they my boobies. Only I touch them. Get your own boobies.

Alligator: Ok. I get my own boobies when I eat you. Num... Num... Num...



Well, at least she is developing boundaries.

On Alligators

Bean: Mom, where do alligators come from???

Me: Eggs laid by mommy alligators.

Bean: Eggs?!?!?!

Me: Yes, like you know how Maggie (our cockatiel) lays eggs? Like that.

Bean: Maggie has baby alligators?!?!?! That's awesome!!!!! Can I keep them?

Me: Bean, Maggie isn't an alligator.

Bean: Well, she should be!

Views on Salad

Bean: Look mom! Pasquale is happy!

Pasquale is Bean's bearded dragon. We got him as a compromise at a reptile show back in September. What Bean REALLY wanted was a 20' boa constrictor. She laid on the floor of the convention hall and sobbed when she learned that we would not be bringing one home. We eventually got her to settle for Pasquale. He eats crickets and veggies. I can handle that.

Me: Pasquale is happy? Why do you think he's happy?

Bean: He's happy cause Daddy gives him salad. He bought it for him.

Me: We have more salad. Should mommy put some in your lunch?

Bean: Mom!!!!!! You KNOW I'm not a lizard!!!! You crazy mom!

I guess I need to push the veggies a bit more. :-/

I sign it myself!!!

We are at Monster Mania in Cherry Hill NJ. We were waiting in line to get the autograph of Chandler (who plays Carl in the Walking Dead). Bean sees the different actors signing autographs and the independence streak of a 3 year old kicked in.

Bean: Don't want him to do it! I'll sign it myself.

Me: That's not the way autographs work. You pay to have the person sign it.

Bean: No! I sign it myself!!!!

We hear a chuckle from off to the side. Tom Towles is looking at Bean, smiling and shaking his head. For those who don't know horror movies, Tom starred in The Devil's Rejects, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer, and the 2007 version of Halloween.

Tom: You want to sign it yourself?

Bean: Yes! I sign it myself!

Tom: Well, that's something I'd like to see. Come over here and sign my autograph for me.

Bean bounced and jumped over to Tom's table and crawled behind it. Tom got out an 8x10 glossy and a marker... and Bean went to work drawing a series of "i"s across the forehead.

Tom: Hey, that's pretty good! It looks like I've got blood dripping from my head. (laughing)

He handed Bean the pic and she proudly put it in Daddy's backpack.

Bean: See! I signed it myself!

Today is Monster Mania

She's been up since 5:00. She was too excited to sleep.

What if Dad is not a zombie?!?!

This weekend is Monster Mania, a horror movie convention. Bean has had an informal countdown going for months now. Judge if you must. Yes, I am taking a 3 year old to a horror convention. It is definitely not for me. I hate conventions... and I don't like horror movies any more than any other type of movie. But it is important to Bean, so we are going. Lots of big name actors and make up artists will be there, including the cast from The Walking Dead. Bean will be in hog heaven.

This morning Bean wakes up, chattering away about Monster Mania.

Bean: I am going to wear my purple fairy dress.

Me: That's fine. I'll pack it.

Bean: And zombie make up... and wings.

Me: Uh huh.

Bean: Are you wearing zombie make up, mom???

Me: Maybe. We'll see.

Bean: What about Dad? Is he gonna be a zombie?

Me: I don't think so, Bean. Dad doesn't really like zombie make up.

Bean: But he has to!!!!

Me: Why? He can be something else.

Bean: If he's not a zombie, I'll have to eat him. He's too big! I don't wanna eat him, Mom!!!! Make him be a zombie!


We will see if Dad gets onboard with the zombie thing

There can be only one!

Yesterday morning, I was in a hurry, so I dumped some Lucky Charms into a Baggie and loaded the girls into the car. Bean quickly began rifling through the cereal, searching for marshmallows.

"Oooo.... a star! Oooo... A clover!". This went on for a few minutes until...

"Mom! A rainbow one! There's a rainbow one!".

You would have thought the kid found real gold at the end of that rainbow! She was so excited, until....

"Another rainbow one????"

Bean eyed up the marshmallows, one in each tiny hand, squinting at them, trying to determine if they were indeed the same.

Next I heard a deep, growling voice from the back seat, "There can be only one!".

Then the sword fighting noises began. They continued for a few minutes until only one poor rainbow was left standing. Bean licked it and proudly stuck it to the back of the passenger seat. There it remained until all of the other marshmallows were gone. I suppose it was waiting to see if it needed to go to battle once more. Luckily, the rainbows ones aren't as common as the other marshmallows.

Authors note: If you didn't really understand this blog, go onto Netflix and rent yourself "Highlander". You have been deprived. Bean has seen about 20 minutes of it when it was on TV and it apparently has made a huge impact.

Meet Bean

This is Bean.

Bean is a silly, happy three year old.  She loves horses and princesses.  She also loves Star Wars, Marvel superheroes, Dr Who, and Nerf dart guns.  She loves her baby sister more than anything else in the world... except maybe zombies.  Yep!  You read it right... zombies.  Where most kids can't stand to be scared, Bean thrives on it.  

This past Christmas, she asked Santa for a face-hugger alien, a zombie ("a real one from the graveyard", she told him),  and spiders.  Santa was a little shell-shocked and we were thankful that the picture was taken BEFORE he asked for her Christmas wishes. 

Here are some pics from last Halloween that illustrate the point...

Bean has been fascinated with zombies since she was about 14 months old.  We have no clue where she gets it.  Her Dad loves all thinks geeky (comic books, Star Trek, Star Wars, the Big Bang theory, Dr Who, superheroes, D&D, etc).  That part explains why bean is constantly carrying around a foam sword or a light saber (red for Darth Vadar, of course).  It also explains why she sleeps with a bed filled with dragons. The zombie fascination though... we have no clue about that.  

We try not to stifle Bean's creativity and support her interests.  It does get a bit strange around her at times though.  A few nights ago, Bean was playing with a Rapunzel doll, a Darth Maul action figure, and a pink "My Little Pony".  Darth Maul and Rapunzel instantly became involved in a romantic relationship (apparently Rapunzel likes the bad boys!).  It sounded something like this... "I Darf Maul.  Lord of the Siff!"  "Oh!  You cute!  Kiss me!" (insert kissing noises here)  Ok... a bit advanced for a 3 year old, but not too bad.  Then it all got even more strange when Rapunzel turned into a zombie and ate the flesh of the "My Little Pony" while Darth Maul egged her on by cheering, "Get her!  Get her!"

I frequently post about Bean's antics and quote "Beanisms" on Facebook.  Many people have asked for a "Bean Blog", so here is my attempt.  Enjoy a glimpse into the world of my strange, wonderful little girl.